i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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