I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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