I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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