I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
