Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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