I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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