omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
