I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
