also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
