And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
