The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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