haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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