i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
