Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
