how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize