My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
