what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
