i would punch a child for taco bell
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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