I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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