if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
two words...techno handjob
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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