Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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