if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
love makes seman taste better
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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