this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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