nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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