Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
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I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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