I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
