3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
