let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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