"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
