who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
