I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
