I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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