I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
