my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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