So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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