this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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