I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
