Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
