Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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