I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
