Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
