On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
this just has baby written all over it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
