I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
