Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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