I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
