why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
