you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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