you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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