So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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