I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
