Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
