I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
