life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
