you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
