I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
