Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
