Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
