My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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