Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Don't make out with my wife yet
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
