Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
