i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
