I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
