i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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