all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
