yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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