Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize