So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
