Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
