i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
