It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
