this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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