I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
