I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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