that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
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He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!