Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
