Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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