garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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