I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
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He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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